The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
