guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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