The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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