In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
