I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize