So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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