Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
