the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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