I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize