Jerry, you need to find god
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
