youre lurking in front of me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
