I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
