I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
