never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
