So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
