Umm I'm too high to move.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
