i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Enjoy the penises
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
