I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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