We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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