i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
