Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
