god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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