i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My pussy is not your playground.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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