Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
