Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
