I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
