the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
