this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
