You're my little dorito
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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