Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
