apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
