We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
