Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
