i barfeds in our rink
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
