I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
