He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
