I can tuck mytits in my pants
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
