i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
