Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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