We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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