So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
