He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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