just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
