I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
