if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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