all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize