can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
