All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
