i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
