pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
