just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
