My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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