the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
false alarm, still single
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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