I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
