It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
