i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
