i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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