We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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