Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
