if i can run in heels then i can drive
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
