How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
